We all dream for a better life

You are a natural goal setter, full of idealism and dreams of the sort of person you want to be. You look for opportunities and know that deep down, you are the sort of person who can succeed and set an example for others. The only problem is that you can never quite seem to get there. No sooner than you set a goal, you find yourself breaking it, failing yourself and that dream again and again. When the year began, you thought this year would be different. This is the year I’ll follow through and meet my goals. One month later, how are you doing? Did everything go as planned?

We live with the disappointment of unachieved goals

Failing to meet our goals and resolutions feels so common- even inevitable, and yet we continue to set goals for ourselves every year because we believe that with a fresh start we can do better. Fast forward a couple of weeks, and your promises are broken. You said you’d be doing exercises regularly, and yet just last week, you failed to do so, again! You may feel ashamed, disappointed, sad, and even angry. What makes the feeling even worse is breaking that commitment to yourself, to your aspirations and goals, and asking yourself what type of an example you are setting for your network and family? How can you expect them to commit to their excellent self if you can’t do it yourself? We fall into feelings of disappointment and lose faith in our abilities, populating the landscape around us not with hope and optimism but with saboteurs ready to trip us up.

Yet, we live unfulfilled lives

We all have so many desires, ideals, and dreams, but many of us end up living unfulfilled lives, face shattered dreams, or, at best, achieve our goals so inadequately, strenuously, and tardily that they feel hollow. There are many reasons for which we abandon our goals and objectives. Most of the time, it’s about how we formulate our goals: Often, our goals are framed by negativity, e.g. I need to lose weight, or I must quit smoking. Other times our goals are too big, absolute, and unrealistic. They are doomed to fail from the get-go because we get overwhelmed by their scale, we freeze- unable to take any action, and this inaction, in turn, demotivates us.

Formulate your goals with positivity

While the best way to formulate goals is not the topic of this post, it is imperative that we understand the connection between how we frame and formulate our goals and its impact on their success. The best goals are ones that are aligned with our values, strengths, and the impact we want to have. Those that guide us towards our Life’s Purpose and help create a compelling vision of our excellent self in the foreseeable future are ideal.

Goals you get excited about

Goals like these are much easier to get excited about, and our enthusiasm creates and strong drive and motivation towards success. We feel joy in taking actions and steps towards them, know that what we are doing matters. This creates an emotional connection to a goal. To succeed, you need to feel and sense the desired outcomes of the goal every step of the way, particularly when things get difficult.

A coach can guide you on this inner journey, helping you visualize the process and giving you a sensory experience that connects strong emotions to your goals. 

You will still need to continuously maintain this emotional connection to the desired outcome and persist in protecting yourself from other things that could get in your way. Nevertheless, this connection will be the force that drives you forward.

 

One of the most important ways that you can help yourself succeed is to create systems of accountability.

 

You can achieve creating these systems of accountability on three levels:

• Internal systems of accountability
• Tools and structure-based systems of accountability
• External systems of accountability

 

• Create a system of internal accountability (self-accountability)

 

Be your own boss or manager.

When we do not achieve business objectives at work, there are people we report to and to whom we are accountable. Our immediate supervisor, managers, and team members are waiting to deliver on our promises. They motivate us; they hold us accountable to set timelines; they drive us to exert the necessary effort. They demand the persistence and consistency needed to achieve desired outcomes.

 

When the goal is of our own, however, we are our own boss (particularly in the case of solopreneurs). It can be easy to lose this accountability with no one waiting on us. If you don’t act now, there are no consequences, no set timelines. You can exert whatever amount of effort you choose!

 

How do we address this problem? This is done by reframing it. How is this done?

We shift our mindset and become our own manager (self-management). Then we operate from the mindset of this self-manager.

 

In order to find out what your self-manager should be like, ask these powerful questions: If I were to hire my own boss, what type of person would this person be?

What would working with them feel like?

How would they interact with me?

How would they support and champion me?

 

The answers to these questions will help you come up with a few guidelines around how to commit to your goals and what support you need to provide for yourself.

 

Now, decide how you want to track your progress, and more importantly, how do you want to reward and celebrate your success?

What happens if you do not act or achieve desired outcomes?

In this case, your self-manager will ask you these powerful questions:

What happened?

What got in my way?

What was I avoiding?

What would have supported me?

What can I shift my perspective to, in order to address the situation?

What can I put in place or act upon in order to address the situation?

 

In coaching, the notion of identifying and connecting to our inner leader is essential in creating an internal support system in our journey of excellence. Connecting to our inner leader and inner circle will allow us to receive inspiration, support and motivation from ourselves. I will expand on the notion of the inner leader and the inner circle in future posts.

 

 

• Create a system of accountability using tools, technology, automation, and structures.

 

 

Take advantage of technology to keep you accountable.

 

Set goals in your agenda and schedule your actions and steps. Program reminders for important tasks to do!

 

Book and block off time in your schedule to work uniquely on specific goals. Be realistic when setting your calendar in order to make a sustainable work schedule. Protect your agenda and schedule with all means available to you. Use the notion of Productivity Blocks.

 

Use your schedule and reminders to take rest breaks, relax, and celebrate your successes.

 

There are many other productivity tools and technology (apps) that can support you.

 

You can also use less high-tech tools, which are just as effective such as journaling notebooks, planners, and paper calendars, depending on your preferences.

 

Use metaphoric structures to your benefit.

Structures are physical or virtual objects or things that remind us of an aspect, idea or goal. For example, I could use a picture of a person doing exercise on my wall to remind me of my goal of going to the gym. I could also use a background image of a lotus flower to remind me of being mindful. A keychain bearing a sand clock could be used as a structure reminding me to respect my time.

 

You can also use metaphors to keep you accountable to your goals: An idea that is regarded as representative or symbolic of your goal, something abstract. For example, I use the metaphor of a flower garden to remind me of my goal to deepen my relationships.

 

  

 

 

• Create a system of accountability using others. A network of support – an external accountability system.

 

Continuously share your goals with people you love and trust. Let them know the “why” behind your goals; paint a vivid picture of your goals’ desired outcomes. Share your emotions around your goal and let them know what your life looks and feels like when you achieve them. Invite them to ask you questions about your goals, desired outcomes, timelines, actions, steps etc. By building a support network, many people will become invested in you and you, achieving your goals. They will support you along the way in more ways than you could imagine.

 

You can categorize these people into three support groups:

 

Your Cheerleaders and Champions

These are people who genuinely care for you, for your emotions, for your vision, and your life in general. These are people who are curious about you, your well-being, and your dreams. Recruit your parents, siblings, family members, life partners, and close friends. They will keep cheering you on and championing you. Take the time to invite them to celebrate with them when you succeed. Look forward to picking up the phone and sharing your successes with them.

 

Accountability Buddies – Coaches and Mentors

These are the people you trust and respect and have a rigour, responsibility, and professional interest in you succeeding.

They can be your responsible close friends, colleagues, personal development peers, or even your supervisors. They are people who are enthusiastic about your success and are willing to take the time to be your accountability buddy. They will check in with you at regular and scheduled intervals to ask about your progress. They continuously seek different ways to support you. They will remove barriers if they can.

 

Life and business coaches also fit perfectly into this category. They may not only be your accountability buddy but also help you figure out more about your vision, goals and aspiration by asking powerful questions and accompanying you when you go through periods of intense emotions. They will check in with your perspectives and shift your mindsets continuously.

 

A professional mentor can also play the role of your accountability buddy wonderfully.

 

Cofounders – Life and Business Partners

In the case of entrepreneurs, your cofounder is your best resource to keep you accountable and motivated. They share your values and vision. They have an important stake in your success. They provide the best accountability you could imagine. They will root for you, support you, be patient with you, and remove obstacles for you. They are the reason you wake up, and you show up fully prepared.

 

If you are a solopreneur, find yourself a cofounder immediately. A suitable cofounder could be the make or break of the success of your business. Find how to find your best cofounder in future posts.

 

If you already have a cofounder, design your agreements on accountability issues.

Your other business partners and even investors could also keep you accountable if they have a benevolent and generous approach and interest in your success. They are invested in you- making them motivated to see you succeed and achieve your goals.

Our life partners could also be in this category. People who are there not only to cheer and champion you day and night but also to remove obstacles, provide support and bolster your spirits.

 

Knowing that you’ve made a plan to keep yourself accountable will go a long way towards defeating your inner saboteurs and helping set you on the path to achieving your goals. Take the time to create a system that supports you and your dreams now. It doesn’t take much, but it will make all the difference in the world. Start small, but start now. Seize your inspiration and run with it- Focus on one goal that matters and track your progress, as the system of accountability you create helps keep you on track. Imagine how different your life would look if you achieved even one or two of your goals. Once you know how to support yourself, the only question left is what you want to do? 

Mazdak